Signpostings

Relationships in a World of Individualism

  • rWorld

    The rWorld is about more than Dale Kuehne's book Sex and the iWorld.
    The rWorld is a New England based, non-profit (in formation), that is composed of a growing number of people and organizations from many faith and ideological backgrounds worldwide. We believe that much of the fulfillment for which women and men are looking can be found by enhancing the quality of our relationships. While the individual freedom we enjoy in the West is a gift, the love and intimacy for which humans yearn will not be found in self-serving materialism or hedonism, but in a variety of healthy relationships.

    Contact us if you'd like get involved:
    scr.im/rwld

  • Dale Kuehne

    Sex & the iWorld

    Professor of Politics and The Richard L. Bready Chair for Ethics, Economics, and the Common Good at Saint Anselm College, Manchester, NH.

    In this blog I'm highlighting signposts of the world in which we presently reside as a means of helping promote a civil, and meaningful dialogue about what kind of world in which we wish to live. I am particularly interested in exploring how might we reconcile the individual good and the common good, and where reconciliation isn’t possible, which should take precedence and why.

    I also blog at Sharewik.com

    [Content Caution]

Posts Tagged ‘Marriage’

When it Comes to Marriage: How Many is “Two” Many?

Posted by Dale Kuehne on July 12, 2017

Several years ago when I expressed concern with the political and ecclesiastical redefinition of marriage, I had many people tell me that so long as marriage remained a committed relationship between two people it was on solid ground. When I asked whether there was a line they would not cross on the redefinition of marriage, many drew the line at “two.” Polygyny, in its many variations, was a bridge too far.

Where are you now?

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/3590221/luckiest-man-alive-who-lives-with-two-girlfriends-is-having-a-baby-with-one-and-the-trio-still-share-a-super-king-size-bed/

One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do
Two can be as bad as one
It’s the loneliest number since the number one

No is the saddest experience you’ll ever know
Yes, it’s the saddest experience you’ll ever know

‘Cause one is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do
One is the loneliest number, whoa-oh, worse than two

It’s just no good anymore since you went away
Now I spend my time just making rhymes of yesterday

One is the loneliest number
One is the loneliest number
One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do

One by Harry Nilsson from Aeriel Ballet (1968)

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Japan and the Next Frontier in Relational Armageddon: The End of Sex

Posted by Dale Kuehne on January 24, 2015

In 1983 Walker Percy asked what happens when sex becomes boring? Apparently we are finding out. By virtually every measure, including casual sex, the Japanese are becoming too busy, tired, or self absorbed to engage relationally with another. And they are not alone. The demographic trends in the West are all this trajectory.

Percy surmised that when sex becomes boring we will turn to violence.

Where did love go?

http://www.alternet.org/sex-amp-relationships/why-have-young-people-japan-stopped-having-sex

Lonely
I’m Mr. Lonely
I have nobody
To call my own

I’m so lonely
I’m Mr. Lonely
I have nobody
For my own
I’m so lonely

Yo, this one here
Goes out to all my playas out there, man, you know
That got that one good girl, lord
That’s always been there man like
Took all the bull****
And then one day she can’t take it no more
And decide to leave

Yeah, I woke up in the middle of the night
And I noticed my girl wasn’t by my side
Coulda sworn I was dreamin’
For her I was feenin’
So I had to take a little ride

Backtracking on these few years
Tryna figure out what I do to make it go bad
Cuz ever since my girl left me
My whole life came crashin’ an’ I’m so

Lonely
(So lonely)
I’m Mr. Lonely
(Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody
(I have nobody)
To call my own
(To call my own girl)

I am so lonely
(So lonely)
I’m Mr. Lonely
(Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody
(I have nobody)
For my own
(To call my own girl)
I am so lonely

Can’t believe I had a girl like you
And I just let you walk right outta my life
After all I put you through you still
Stuck around and stayed by my side

What really hurt me is I broke your heart, baby
You a good girl and I had no right
I really wanna make things right
Cuz without you in my life girl I’m so

Lonely
(So lonely)
I’m Mr. Lonely
(Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody
(I have nobody)
To call my own
(To call my own girl)

I am so lonely
(So lonely)
I’m Mr. Lonely
(Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody
(I have nobody)
For my own
(To call my own girl)
I am so lonely

Been all about the world ain’t never met a girl
That can take the things that you been through
Never thought the day would come
Where you’d get up and run
And I would be out chasing you

Cuz ain’t nowhere in the globe I’d rather be
Ain’t no one in the globe I’d rather see
Than the girl of my dreams that made me be
So happy but now I’m so lonely

Lonely
(So lonely)
I’m Mr. Lonely
(Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody
(I have nobody)
To call my own
(To call my own no)

I am so lonely
(So lonely)
I’m Mr. Lonely
(Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody
(I have nobody)
For my own
(To call my own girl)
I am so lonely

Never thought that I’d be alone
(Be alone)
I didn’t think you’d be gone this long
(Gone so long)
I just want you to call my phone
So stop playing girl and come on home
(Come on home)

Baby girl I didn’t mean to shout
I want me and you to work it out
(Work it out baby)
I never wished that I would hurt my baby
(Hurt my baby)
And it’s drivin’ me crazy cuz I’m so

Lonely
(So lonely)
I’m Mr. Lonely
(Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody
(I have nobody)
For my own
(To call my own girl)

I am so lonely
(So lonely)
I’m Mr. Lonely
(Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody
(I have nobody)
For my own
(To call my own girl)
I am so lonely

So lonely
(Lonely)
So lonely
(So lonely)
Mr. Lonely
(Lonely)

So lonely
(So lonely)
So lonely
(Lonely)

So lonely
(So lonely)
So lonely
Mr. Lonely

Lonely by Akon from Trouble (2004)

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“I” do. Marriage to Me, Myself, and I

Posted by Dale Kuehne on October 21, 2014

Listening to the Bjork song, Isobel, Grace Gelder decided to propose to herself, and proceeded to go to the altar.

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/oct/04/i-married-myself-wedding

in a forrest pitch-dark
glowed the tiniest spark
it burst into flame
like me
like me

my name isobel
married to myself
my love isobel
living by herself

in a heart full of dust
lives a creature called lust
it surprises and scares
like me
like me

my name isobel
married to myself
my love isobel
living by herself

when she does it she means to
moth delivers her message
unexplaind on your collar
crawling in silence
a simple excuse

in a tower of steel
nature forges a deal
to raise wonderful hell
like me
like me

my name isobel
married to myself
my love isobel
living by herself

when she does it she means to
moth delivers her message
unexplaind on your collar
crawling in silence
a simple excuse


Isobel by Bjork from Post (1995)

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Millennials, Marriage, and My Little Pony: Let’s Just Be Friends

Posted by Dale Kuehne on July 10, 2014

A recent survey from Pew illustrates the ambivalent view Millennials hold about marriage.

The data seems to indicate that Millennials believe our communities can flourish without marriage.

Let’s just be friends.

Can our communities flourish without marriage, families, and children?

Or is friendship enough?

Or is friendship merely another word for to describe a loss of relational hope?

Without knowing it.

http://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2014/07/millennials-society-will-be-just-fine-without-marriage/374060/

How can we make sense of it? I invite you to watch My Little Pony with me.

A children’s television show created by Millennials that spells out the a new narrative of marriage and friendship.

Let’s just be friends.

Shall we sing together … or separately and in unison.

[Queen Chrysalis]

This day is going to be perfect
The kind of day of which I’ve dreamed since I was small
Everypony will gather ’round
Say I look lovely in my gown
What they don’t know is that I have fooled them all!

[Princess Cadance]

This day was going to be perfect
The kind of day of which I’ve dreamed since I was small
But instead of having cake
With all my friends to celebrate
My wedding bells, they may not ring for me at all…

[Queen Chrysalis]

I could care less about the dress
I won’t partake in any cake
Vows, well I’ll be lying when I say

That through any kind of weather
I’ll want us to be together
The truth is I don’t care for him at all

No I do not love the groom
In my heart there is no room
But I still want him to be all mine

[Princess Cadance]

We must escape before it’s too late
Find a way to save the day
Hope, I’ll be lying if I say

“I don’t fear that I may lose him
To one who wants to use him
Not care for, love, and cherish him each day”

For I oh so love the groom
All my thoughts he does consume
Oh, Shining Armor, I’ll be there very soon

[Queen Chrysalis]

Finally the moment has arrived
For me to be one lucky bride

[Princess Cadance]

Oh, the wedding we won’t make
He’ll end up marrying a fake
Shining Armor will be…

[Queen Chrysalis]: …mine, all mine. [evil laugh]

This Day Aria (Part 1) by Daniel Ingram from the Episode: A Camelot Wedding (Part 2) (Season 2) from the TV Series My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

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The Future of Marriage and Family: Sex Addiction

Posted by Dale Kuehne on December 4, 2012

An intelligent article about recent research that explores how pornography and the hook-up culture is impacting marriage and parenting.

People are fond of saying “things have always been this way.” This is an example of how changes in technology and cultural mores is directly impacting our ability to have life long monogamous relationships. It helps explain why over 40% of American children are born outside of marriage, and an even higher percentage are not living with their birth parents.

How long will it take for us to admit that sexual relations is not a need, and has significance far beyond what we currently understand.

What can we do about it? We can ask our lawmakers to change the internet so that you have to “opt in” to websites. We need to address these issues with kids early in middle school and walk with them into adulthood and beyond. Our kids need to have relationships that are more fulfilling than sex. Right now most do not. We have failed them.

People ask me if I am obsessed with sex. No. I am obsessed with relationship. Sex is an issue because of its profound relational impact. The evidence is overwhelming and there is more of it every day. Its relational impact is second only to our inordinate desire for money.

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/sex-addiction-the-truth-about-a-modern-phenomenon-8373873.html

I waited patiently for the Lord
He inclined and heard my cry
He lift me up out of the pit
Out of the miry clay

I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song

How long to sing this song?
How long to sing this song?
How long…how long…how long…
How long…to sing this song

He set my feet upon a rock
And made my footsteps firm
Many will see
Many will see and fear

I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song

How long to sing this song?
How long to sing this song?
How long…how long…how long…

40 by U2 from Boy (1983)

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The Future of Marriage and Family (Take 3)

Posted by Dale Kuehne on November 16, 2012

In the face of statistics that not only speak to a decline in marriage, but a rise in people over 50 who wish to never be married, this essay argues that marriage is something our society needs to recover, even if it is not for everyone. Are we made for the iWorld or for another?

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/lifestyle/9651330/Marriage-works-and-its-the-answer-to-the-misery-of-loneliness.html

If I were a carpenter
And you were a lady,
Would you marry me anyway?
Would you have my baby?

If a tinker were my trade
would you still find me,
Carrying the pots I made,
Following behind me.

Save my love through loneliness,
Save my love for sorrow,
I’m given you my onliness,
Come give your tomorrow.

If I worked my hands in wood,
Would you still love me?
Answer me babe, “Yes I would,
I’ll put you above me.”

If I were a miller
at a mill wheel grinding,
would you miss your color box,
and your soft shoe shining?

If I were a carpenter
and you were a lady,
Would you marry me anyway?
Would you have my baby?
Would you marry anyway?
Would you have my baby?

If I Were a Carpenter sung by Johnny and June Carter Cash, written by Tim Hardin from Hello, I’m Johnny Cash (1969)

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The Future of Marriage and Family (Take 1)

Posted by Dale Kuehne on November 14, 2012

As I listen to people either celebrate or lament the results of the recent US elections, there is one sentiment about which almost everyone will agree: America has made the transition to a post-Christian, postmodern nation. Nowhere is this more clear than in our approach to and expectations for relationships. As Zygmunt Bauman of the University of Leeds has observed, we live in a world of “Liquid Love.” The next 3 signposts will examine the changes that are occurring. The purpose of looking at the current snapshot of marriage and family is neither to put any of us on a guilt trip or put salt into wounds. It is merely to ask us to consider where things are headed and whether or not we are heading in a socially sustaining direction. In short, is the iWorld sustainable?

http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2011/12/14/barely-half-of-u-s-adults-are-married-a-record-low/#overview

Could you whisper in my ear
The things you wanna feel
I’d give you anythin’
To feel it comin’

Do you wake up on your own
And wonder where you are?
You live with all your faults

I wanna wake up where you are
I won’t say anything at all
So why don’t you slide

Yeah, I’m gonna let it slide

Don’t you love the life you killed?
The priest is on the phone
Your father hit the wall
Your ma disowned you

Don’t supposed I’ll ever know
What it means to be a man
It’s somethin’ I can’t change
I’ll live around it

I wanna wake up where you are
I won’t say anything at all
So why don’t you slide
Ooh, slide

And I’ll do anythin’ you ever dreamed to be complete
Little pieces of the nothin’ that fall
Oh, May
Put your arms around me
What you feel is what you are
And what you are is beautiful
Oh, May
Do you wanna get married Or run away?

And I’ll do anythin’ you ever dreamed to be complete
Little pieces of the nothin’ that fall
Oh, May
Put your arms around me
What you feel is what you are
And what you are is beautiful
Oh, May
Do you wanna get married
Or run away?

I wanna wake up where you are
I won’t say anything

And I’ll do anythin’ you ever dreamed to be complete
(Yeah, slide)
Little pieces of the nothin’ that fall
(yeah slide)
And I’ll do anythin’ you ever dreamed to be complete
(Yeah slide)
Little pieces of the nothin’ that fall
(Oh, oh slide)
Yeah, slide between the sheets of all them beds you never knew
(Yeah slide)
Why don’t you slide into my room
Just slide into my room
Oh, we’ll run away, run away, run away

Slide by The Goo Goo Dolls, from Dizzy Up the Girl (1988)

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Marriage: Can We All Get Along?

Posted by Dale Kuehne on May 1, 2012

Washington is rightly criticized for our political leaders not coming together to find ways to work together to address the problems that confront us all.

As citizens we tell pollsters we are disgusted with Congress, and its approval ratings are veering toward single digits and are at historic lows.

In Britain, people who believe in marriage but disagree on its definition have come together to make a statement about the central importance of marriage.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-17906017

Do we have the courage to do the same in America?

I have published at length on why I believe marriage should be between one man and one woman. My convictions on this issue are unchanged and as I have done further research I have felt increasingly persuaded of the importance of defining marriage accordingly. But I would willingly join those who disagree with me about the definition of marriage, yet agree on its importance. Will anyone join me?

I know there will be many who will disagree with me, especially in jurisdictions where the definition of marriage remains unchanged but is being challenged.

Making a case and taking a stand for the definition of marriage is important.

But, as we speak, the institution of marriage is imploding in Western Civilization. 45% of American Children are born outside of marriage, and for the first time a majority of people under the age of 30 are not married. It is my conviction that the reason the definition of marriage is becoming so fluid is because we as a society are losing faith in the institution. Cohabitation is the new “marriage.”

If I am right, we will only be able to engage our society in a serious discussion about the nature and definition of marriage, once we have recovered a conviction of its importance.

Western civilization will not end if people who disagree on some issues can come together on others.

It will not survive if we cannot.

If we’ve lost the ability to transcend partisanship when possible, we have lost the means to preserve freedom.

You, you think it’s cool to be crazy
I say you’re born rich – stay rich
There’s no point in taking chances.
And me, I wouldn’t call it a sophomore slump, no, I’d say
I’m one step closer to bein’ just where I want to be

Away from this scene,
Away from this machine

Alright!

Meet me in the middle,
Well c’mon let’s make up a dance
And we’ll agree to call it the compromise

Step one: find a partner, grab a pen
And don’t you dare ask questions,
Just sign on the dotted line
Step two: throw your partner behind a desk
Will then do absolutely nothing
So it’s your job to dance and smile the whole time

Don’t call it a trend,
’cause it’s the only way we think to get ahead

Meet me in the middle
Well c’mon let’s make up a dance
And we’ll agree to call it the compromise

There’s no sense in complainin’
If it doesn’t change your minds
Take me by the hand, let’s compromise

I can feel your feet touchin’ mine
If you can’t dance, there’s someone else in line

Meet me in the middle,
Well c’mon let’s make up a dance
And we’ll agree to call it the compromise

There’s no sense in complainin’
If it doesn’t change your minds
Take me by the hand, let’s compromise

The Compromise by The Format from Dog Problems (2006)

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