Signpostings

Relationships in a World of Individualism

  • rWorld

    The rWorld is about more than Dale Kuehne's book Sex and the iWorld.
    The rWorld is a New England based, non-profit (in formation), that is composed of a growing number of people and organizations from many faith and ideological backgrounds worldwide. We believe that much of the fulfillment for which women and men are looking can be found by enhancing the quality of our relationships. While the individual freedom we enjoy in the West is a gift, the love and intimacy for which humans yearn will not be found in self-serving materialism or hedonism, but in a variety of healthy relationships.

    Contact us if you'd like get involved:
    scr.im/rwld

  • Dale Kuehne

    Sex & the iWorld

    Professor of Politics and The Richard L. Bready Chair for Ethics, Economics, and the Common Good at Saint Anselm College, Manchester, NH.

    In this blog I'm highlighting signposts of the world in which we presently reside as a means of helping promote a civil, and meaningful dialogue about what kind of world in which we wish to live. I am particularly interested in exploring how might we reconcile the individual good and the common good, and where reconciliation isn’t possible, which should take precedence and why.

    I also blog at Sharewik.com

    [Content Caution]

Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Solving the World’s Problem’s … with Beer

Posted by Dale Kuehne on April 28, 2017

Heineken conducts an experiment in changing the world … one conversation at a time.

I like beer ’cause it is good
I drink beer because I should
If there was a song to sing
I sing it and beer you bring

I drink beer when I am sad
‘Cause the beer, it makes me glad
Now there’s nothing left to say
So let’s go drink beer

Beer by Psychostick from We Couldn’t Think of a Title (2003)

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Gender and Sex: Political Correctness as Anti-Aphrodisiac

Posted by Dale Kuehne on June 9, 2014

The more political correctness the less sex in marriage. Hmmn.

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/09/magazine/does-a-more-equal-marriage-mean-less-sex.html?_r=1

Take an a-a-aphrodisiac
But don’t do no-no-nothing, just relax
Your ha-ha-heart goes piddle-pat
Take an a-a-aphrodisiac

If you want to fall in love with somebody
Somebody that you’re not in love with at all

With an a-a-aphrodisiac
Your ha-ha-heart goes piddle-pat
Don’t do nothing
Just relax with an a-a-aphrodisiac

[Incomprehensible]
If you want to fall in love with somebody, hey
Somebody that you’re not in love with at all
Exciting you, just make you love me too, yes
Somebody that you’re not in love with at all

I’m your a-a-aphrodisiac
Don’t do nothing, just relax
Gives you a a heart attack
Just take your clothes off, this is over jack

If you want to fall in love with somebody
Somebody that you’re not in love with at all

Take an a-a-aphrodisiac
But don’t do no-no-nothing, just relax
Elephants’ un-agreed
Wo-wo-wor to succeed

A-a-aphrodisiac, gives you a a heart attack
Don’t do nothing, just relax
I’ll be your aphrodisiac

Aphrodisiac, aphrodisiac
Aphrodisiac, aphrodisiac
Aphrodisiac, aphrodisiac
Aphrodisiac, aphrodisiac

Do, do, do
Do, do, do
Do, do, do

Don’t do nothing, just relax
With an a-a-aphrodisiac

Aphrodisiac by Bow Wow Wow from When the Going Gets Tough, The Tough Get Going (1983)

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Sipping champagne and talking about love and death with Demi Moore

Posted by Dale Kuehne on January 16, 2012

Here is a link to my latest sharewik blog.

(Signpostings followers will recognize it is refined version of an earlier post.)

http://www.sharewik.com/blogs/item/sipping-champagne-and-talking-about-love-and-death-with-demi-moore

There’s somebody waiting alone in the street
For someone to walk up and greet

Here you are all alone in the city
Where’s the one that you took to your side
Lonely faces will stare through your eyes in the night
And they’ll say – woman sweet woman please come home with me
You’re shining and willing and free
But your love it’s a common occurence
Not like love that I feel in my heart
Still you know that may be what I need

Is someone to lay down beside me
And even though it’s not real
Just someone to lay down beside me
You’re the story of my life

Someone to Lay Down Beside by Karla Bonoff from Karla Bonoff (1977)

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Menopause Found Me

Posted by Dale Kuehne on August 31, 2011

Here is my latest sharewik blog in which I explore male menopause. My editor, a woman, asked me to consider writing a light-hearted blog on female menopause. As I do not go where angels won’t, I took a look at myself.

http://www.sharewik.com/blogs/item/i-found-love-on-the-other-side-of-male-menopause

The Mid-Life Crisis Male Menopause Blues

When you’re way past your peak and it’s all downhill,
And you’re wondering what to do, ’cause you need a new thrill,
Maybe get a fast bike, re-live your wild youth,
Though your salad days are long gone, ain’t that the truth,
When all the sweet things are taken, and you can’t pick and choose,
You got those mid-life crisis, male menopause blues…..

When you’re feelin’ worn down, too many cares on your shoulders,
You thought you’d get wiser, but you just got older,
And your woman says, you need to lose a few pounds,]
So you head off to the bar for a couple of rounds,
You can’t play your guitar, ’cause your fingers ain’t loose,
You got those mid-life crisis, male menopause blues……

Now the years are flowing by and you got nothing to show,
The world’s spinning faster, but you’re moving too slow,
Your kid didn’t ask you, just borrowed your keys,
So you run down the street, you’re beginning to wheeze,
Pick yourself up and stare at the bruise,
You got those mid-life crisis, male menopause blues.

Mid-Life Crisis Male Menopause Blues by Blueline/Vic Lewis/Chris C http://www.guitarnoise.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=22&t=33886

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Apocalypse (9 Days from) Now

Posted by Dale Kuehne on May 12, 2011

If at first you don’t succeed ….

That’s great, it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes,
an aeroplane – Lenny Bruce is not afraid.
Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn,
world serves its own needs, dummy serve your own needs.
Feed it off an aux speak,, grunt, no, strength,
The ladder starts to clatter with fear fight down height.
Wire in a fire, representing seven games, a government for hire and a combat site.
Left of west and coming in a hurry with the furies breathing down your neck.
Team by team reporters baffled, trumped, tethered cropped.
Look at that low playing!
Fine, then.
Uh oh, overflow, population, common food, but it’ll do.
Save yourself, serve yourself. World serves its own needs, listen to your heart bleed dummy with the rapture and the revered and the right – right.
You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, bright light, feeling pretty psyched.

It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

Six o’clock – TV hour. Don’t get caught in foreign towers.
Slash and burn, return, listen to yourself churn.
Locking in, uniforming, book burning, blood letting.
Every motive escalate. Automotive incinerate.
Light a candle, light a votive. Step down, step down.
Watch your heel crush, crushed. Uh-oh, this means no fear cavalier.
Renegade steer clear! A tournament, a tournament, a tournament of lies.
Offer me solutions, offer me alternatives and I decline.

It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it. (It’s time I had some time alone)
It’s the end of the world as we know it (It’s time I had some time alone) and I feel fine.
(I feel fine)

It’s the end of the world as we know it. (It’s time I had some time alone)
It’s the end of the world as we know it. (It’s time I had some time alone)
It’s the end of the world as we know it (It’s time I had some time alone) and I feel fine.

The other night I dreamt of knives, continental drift divide. Mountains sit in a line
Leonard Bernstein. Leonid Brezhnev. Lenny Bruce and Lester Bangs.
Birthday party, cheesecake, jelly bean, boom!
You symbiotic, patriotic, slam book neck, right? Right.

It’s the end of the world as we know it. (It’s time I had some time alone)
It’s the end of the world as we know it. (It’s time I had some time alone)
It’s the end of the world as we know it (It’s time I had some time alone) and I feel fine.

It’s the end of the world as we know it by R.E.M. from Document (1987)

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What’s on the Test?

Posted by Dale Kuehne on May 2, 2011

Signpostings will take a vacation until Summer Vacation (Monday May 8th)

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Good Friday

Posted by Dale Kuehne on April 22, 2011

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Head Trip

Posted by Dale Kuehne on March 28, 2011

Today’s tongue in cheek sharewik.com blog post on the redemptive role concussions have played in my life.

http://www.sharewik.com/blogs/item/sometimes-a-concussion-is-just-the-thing-a-man-needs

Hello?
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me
Is there anyone at home?

Come on, now
I hear you’re feeling down
Well I can ease your pain
Get you on your feet again

Relax
I’ll need some information first
Just the basic facts
Can you show me where it hurts?

There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship’s smoke on the horizon
You are the only coming through in waves
Your lips move but I can’t hear what you’re saying

When I was a child I had a fever
My hands felt just like two balloons
Now I’ve got that feeling once again
I can’t explain you would not understand
This is not how I am

I have become comfortably numb
[| From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/p/pink-floyd-lyrics/comfortably-numb-lyrics.html |]

I have become comfortably numb

Okay
Just a little pinprick
There’ll be no more
But you may feel a little sick

Can you stand up?
I do believe it’s working good
That’ll keep you going through the show
Come on it’s time to go

There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship’s smoke on the horizon
You are the only coming through in waves
Your lips move but I can’t hear what you’re saying

When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown the dream is gone

I have become comfortably numb

Comfortably Numb by Jon David Gilmour and Roger Waters from Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon (1979)

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rLiving 20: Shopping, LinkedIn and Marriage (Purpose)

Posted by Simon on February 15, 2011

So after that little hiatus I’ll continue this series! To make sense of this post, take a look at the introduction to this series, and click on the “Relational Proximity” category for some of the previous posts.

Over the 20 days of actively reflecting on relational dimensions of life I came to realize that Purpose/Commonality seems to have primacy over the other dimensions. In other words, dimensions of Directness, Continuity, Multiplexity and Power are constrained or delimited by whatever purpose or identity the two individuals, groups or organizations have in common.

I suspect that a lack of understanding and agreement about what that commonality is – and even, whether it’s wanted or not – contributes to so much of the disharmony we experience in relationships. So, knowing what the purpose is, and knowing that you both know, makes for ease and harmonious relationships. Even if it’s briefly, temporarily, like being on LinkedIn and someone helping me out.

The burglar and the woman and other neighbors in the post on crime and punishment had a specific crime as their point of commonality. In that case, Directness (face to face or not), Continuity (did it happen once, quickly, or every day for hours?), Multiplexity (was it just a break-in, or is he stalking also?), and Power (did someone get him back, steal his wallet? is he jailed and powerless now?) all contribute to an understanding of the severity of the crime. Or rather, they explain (and probably predict) the intensity of feeling and entanglement that people have with the criminal and each other.

Marriage is a substantial bond of love and commitment (Purpose/Commonality). Firstly, one hopes that there is common agreement between husband and wife what marriage means (like I say, lack of shared understanding likely explains a LOT of the problems). But even then, marriage has implications or demands for:

  • Directness (nakedness of spirit and body, consummation of the marriage by sexual intercourse, actually BEING there in person),
  • Continuity (shared story of the past, BEING together regularly and for substantial portions of time, anticipating a life together to the very end),
  • Multiplexity (doing chores, making love, going to movies, hanging with friends, hanging with different friends, learning something together or from each other, helping someone together, doing things separately then telling each other about it etc. etc.),
  • Power (mutual respect, mutual submission, mutual support, each using their strengths but not assuming either is better or greater for those strengths).

Marriage, as a sacred bond, confers definite boundaries of fidelity and togetherness. But the details are worked out between the couple! How much, how often and how – these are the privilege and joy and challenge of each couple to work out themselves as they spend a lifetime figuring out “what does it mean to be married?”.

But even within marriage, there are other ‘purposes’. For example, shopping. “Shopping“, when you’re doing it for two or the family, is the particular binding element, the commonality. But you can be better shoppers for each other if you realize:

  • A text message may be perfect for mediating the relationship for this purpose; you don’t have to do it together, and you certainly shouldn’t do it naked!; (Directness)
  • That you remember each other’s preferences; plan for future meals(Continuity)
  • Going together in a street market, at a milliners, at the car showroom (Multiplexity – Knowledge from different contexts)
  • Who sets the menu? Who assumes the other will make the decisions? (Parity)

Well you get the drift, and maybe I’m overdoing it. But each little thing, to the degree that a relationship is formed around the common purpose, a whole bunch of opportunities arise that require different ways of applying the dimensions.

Finally, social networks. I’m on LinkedIn. The ‘relationship’ I have with a lot of people on there is through work, but with some, the only thing we have in common is that we’re on LinkedIn. Since the only purpose, so far, is to simply ‘be connected’, they’re perfectly healthy relationships. Any increase on any of the dimensions would solidify the relationship, making a ‘strong link’, as opposed to a ‘weak link’.

Sp earlier this week I updated my LinkedIn status with that research question. One “weak link” LinkedIn connection, ‘Mick’, responded. We’d only met once ever, briefly. “I’ll have a look”, he said. Thus we found a new common purpose, for a short time, which led to this. Given that purpose the implied and assumed agreement of that purpose enabled us, without even thinking, to select:

  • Appropriateness of media choice (email only; directness),
  • Length and frequency of conversing (twice; continuity),
  • Extent to which we got to know each other (not at all, beyond the nature of my question, which was unambiguous; Multiplexity)
  • Who had the power (equals, but he was better at research; Parity)

It felt a bit of a stretch with ‘shopping’ but actually in the end it still makes sense that Purpose/Commonality is the binding and determining factor. To the degree that there’s shared agreement about it, whether assumed or explicit, it provides the practical analysis and ethical reasoning for the other four dimensions.

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2010 in review

Posted by Dale Kuehne on January 2, 2011

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

Healthy blog!

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.

Crunchy numbers

Featured image

A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 9,600 times in 2010. That’s about 23 full 747s.

In 2010, there were 210 new posts, not bad for the first year! There were 66 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 111mb. That’s about 1 pictures per week.

The busiest day of the year was February 5th with 160 views. The most popular post that day was Divorced With Benefits.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were facebook.com, twitter.com, mail.yahoo.com, blogger.com, and jubilee-centre.org.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for dale kuehne, signpostings, christopher hitchins, therworld.com, and therworld.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

1

Divorced With Benefits February 2010
1 comment

2

About Dale Kuehne January 2010

3

About “Sex and the iWorld” (with Latest Reviews) December 2009
8 comments

4

Speaking Dates February 2010

5

Who We R March 2010

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